Me and My Standars

While browsing in a website where most queers at, someone sent me a message stating that he can't reach me because I'm of high standards. Hmm.. Have I set mine too high? Or nobody's qualified for the position?

Setting your own standards is like hiring somebody to do a job for you. If he doesn't meet the necessary requirements, then he is not fit for the job.

Here's what I stated in my profile:

Disclaimer: Before you read everything written here, make sure you have the eyes for reading. One user here told me that my profile has 'attitude' in it. One thing, my profile is me. It's an expression of my heart and mind.

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Everyone will always want your downfall. Career, lovelife, and family are the things I juggle everyday just to be able to cope with this cruel world. Now, I'm juggling two balls with my hands (please don't take this literally and greenly). Lovelife is still not knocking on my door. Been dating some but confusion still hinders everything. So there.

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Right now, a 21-year old me is facing some serious issues. I'd better set them aside for myself.

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I'm still a human being. I know how to laugh, cry, or lose myself. What are written here are words of someone who is frank and very straight forward but in reality, they aren't obvious in my company.

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So what if I am gay? I am a professional, myself and I am acting like one. The term 'gay' doesn't just apply to screaming fags or leather daddies out there but to the people who have lives to live like me. So please, better clear your standards well.

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To those people who wrote 'Bisexual' in their preference, let me ask you: when was the last time you had sex with a girl without thinking of what's between a guy's legs? Or better yet, have you ever had sex or relationship with a woman? Gahd, that's the worst thing about you people. You love pretending but when you're rejected, you feel sorry for it. A piece of damn advice: be true to yourself or simply put 'Gay' in your preference if you're really one. There's a big difference between the two words and by looks and attitude or the way you write things, I can definitely tell. So what if you're the manly type? Still you're sucking dick and can't even lick a cunt. Tsktsk.

Nakakairita lang kasi eh. Pag tinanong mo preference, isasagot 'Bisexual'. Pag tinanong mo kung nagkarelationship na or nakipag-DO na sa girl, sasabihin hindi pa or walang balak. Ano ka? Halaman? Man, be true to yourself. I just don't want to talk to hypocrite people.

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If you have plans on sending me a message, PLEASE, don't limit yourself with simple 'hi', 'hello'. Or better yet, don't try sending me any message if you're just going do this. :)

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My profile is not just a boast of everything but a prize to be proud of. :)

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I'm still LOVELESS. Geez, I'm trying to have someone to call my own. Anybody there? Haha!

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I have deleted my first account here because someone still haunts me with his memories. I don't want to hold on to that. Still, something in the wind has made me to create another account.

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At my young age, I can say that I am an achiever in my own ways. 2010 was a roller coaster ride of everything for me. I graduated last March, hired last April, started practicing my profession last June, took the boards last September and managed to pass it. Geez, I guess not all 20 year olds have this kind of achievements.

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A guy is hotter when he shows his intelligence and not just his 6-pack abs. Most guys, especially those who are in LGBT sites, are just into SEX and nothing beyond that. A piece of advice: show me that your brain functions more than your dick. I'm not after looks but when your hormones are more active than you are in a conversation, better not message me anymore. This is my standard because I always believe in a good companionship better than a relationship.

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I maybe cheap in my own ways but I'm not easy.

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So this is me. I know when to pretend and when to be honest.

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S.A.N.T.I.E.

So there. I've written whatever my heart tells me. Judgment is all yours.

Silence and Me

Ask a friend of mine to describe me and you'll come up with these answers: a screaming fag, a noisy teacher, or probably, a bad influence. These things are true, really. What I've shown to these people is my extrovert self. No one knows how I spend quality time with myself.

Silence. The best friend I've ever known since childhood. In times of trouble or despair, not a single soul is listening but I feel a sense of assurance. Silence gives me not only peace of mind, but of soul.

When I'm alone, I just pray, think, write, or better yet, sleep. Things that a normal person would do. This way, I become at ease with everything.

I love noise. I can perfom and adjust well in it. But sometimes, your inner soul wants to have an outlet from these things which, eventually, will burn you.

So find your self. With silence, of course.

Everything Queer

How does a queer fight for his life?

In this world where everything is almost possible with man, people tend to make the unimaginable imaginable. Queer – a term which is used for someone who is acting out of the norms predicted by the society. A term which is somewhat derogatory for those people who belong in it.

Now, society has become the dictator of man’s destiny. It is now considered the master of rules, policies and law. Tell me, is someone’s preference still a scope of this society? For many, it is a big YES but for some whose voices aren’t heard, a silent scream of NO.

I’m a queer and most people I meet everyday ask me if this was a choice if I was born like this. My answer is that whatever I am right now, it is a product of intelligent choices. Still, within this choice, I’m still trying to make it through everything. I’ll always be a queer and no one can remove it from my very soul. Through this, I became me. Through this, a wiser and braver man was molded.

Becoming a part of the queer world isn’t about happy parties and a never ending ecstasy. It is about becoming you when every foul word is thrown at you. It is about proving that you’re a better person and you don’t have to be judged according to the preference of the person you’re sleeping with.

We queers receive more pressure in different fields most especially those who are working in the academe. People give more expectations to what we do and we give more than what is expected from us. It is really hard being a queer most especially if you’re hiding your pink PRADA fur coat behind your closet. I think it would be better to be out in this world than spending your damn life asking the questions. Let’s define first everything before we proceed to the comparative analogy of my topic.

OUT means that you’re becoming a queer is known to everyone. No exemption because this includes your whole family (maternal and paternal), circle of friends and workmates. CLOSET or DISCREET means no one or only a limited number from your family knows that you’re a fag. Enough said? So proceed with the discourse…

There is of course a big difference between the lives of the OUT and the DISCREET. Queer people who are out are those brave ones who are not afraid of rejection and only accepts people who accepts them as what they are. Fighter is a better term for these people because they’d better fall down a hundred times and receive glory at the end.

Those who are hiding behind a manly image can be considered as queers playing safe. It’s either they are used to with their manly life and afraid that things might change once they take the mask off or they just couldn’t accept themselves because they are still possessed with the manhood image they have.

So whatever shade of pink you are wearing, there would always be struggles.

Who would want to marry a gay man? Tell me now.

Yes, we are homosexual people who sleep with our own kind and say “No, no!” to those who are not in our dear society. Most think that we will end alone because we can’t make a family of our own. But they don’t know that many from our kind dream of having a family to come home to.

I also have the same idea of having a child but not marrying a straight woman. Geez, all of my life I’ve been sleeping with guys then I’ll end up with a “SHE”? I still have my sane mind.

Going back to reality, if you want a child, you can’t simply impregnate a woman and take the child with you after she gave birth. In a series which I’ve been watching, Queer as Folk, there is lesbian couple who have children. The twist is that the children are of their own blood. How? They chose their gay friends to donate sperm for them and through an artificial insemination (and a legal agreement) they will have a child. But this scene only happens in countries like the United States but not here in the Philippines.

I’m a gay man and most of my friends are women. Some are even offering themselves to get laid by me and I honestly answer with a big “YUCK!”. Still, I’m a gay and I can’t imagine myself doing IT with a woman. I consider their offers as traps against my happiness.

But when a gay man tries to marry a woman, will that woman accept and trust him all throughout their lives? A gay man would always be a gay man. He, maybe, has decided to change but his past will always chase him and will forever haunt him. This is the big challenge for those gay men who have their own families now. You simply want a child but the package also includes a wife. It’s either take it or be alone until you die.